The Stress is Building

With the finances being the way they are, I have been a bit stressed out.  I try not to show it, because I know that Steve feels guilty about not being able to help out.  Unfortunately, the other day, I blew it.

Here's what happened.  Last week my supervisor told me that I was eligible to work overtime. The additional money could really help us out, so I was ecstatic.  The only problem was telling Steve.  In my mind, I was anticipating that he would be resistant to the idea.

You see, when Steve became ill and unable to work, I literally became the center of his universe.  (And I totally get it, if I spent 5 days a week all by myself, I am sure I would feel the same way.)  When I am not at work, we do almost everything together.  And when I am at work, he looks forward to me coming home. Other than watching the news on TV, I am his lifeline to the outside world.  I always try to be there for him. It's something that he has gotten used to and has come to expect.  So sometimes, when I do have something to do that doesn't involve him, he's resistant.  He won't tell me not to.  He'll just come up with reasons why it may not be a good idea.

Well, we were sitting around watching tv, and I figured that was as good a time as any to mention it. And I told him that I was allowed to work overtime and that I would like to do so.  Then I asked him what he thought of it.  And he told me that he didn't think it was a good idea. He said he was afraid that I would get burnt out.  And I snapped, and regrettably I said, "You don't think drowning in bills is going to burn me out!"  The minute I said it I wished I could take it back.  Steve's face fell, and we were both miserable.

We sat there for a while in silence.  I apologized.  Then we talked about it and agreed on 1/2hr a day.